JOURNAL ENTRY: GAME OF GAMES 2017

 

 

GAME OF GAMES

I’M SO VERY TIRED OF HAVING TO WRITE ABOUT THIS CONSTANT ISSUE.  IT’S JUST ON GOING AND PUTS ME IN THIS LIGHT THAT I’M A PERV AND I SHOULD BE TREATED ACCORDINGLY.  ABOUT A WEEK AGO A PERSON NAMED LESLIE FROM I THINK QUALITY CARE, SHE WEARS PURPLE SCRUBS WAS IN THE HALL WITH ANOTHER WOMAN AND THEY WHERE WALKING PAST ME AS I WAS TALKING TO ANOTHER WOMAN.  LESLIE STEPPED AWAY FROM ME AND ACTED LIKE I WAS CONTAGIOUS, AND SHE AND THE OTHER WOMEN EXCHANGED EYE CONTACT LIKE THEY WHERE ENDURING SOME HARDSHIP TOGATHER.  TODAY LESLIE WAS IN THE ER OFFICE OF BROOK WHEN I WENT DOWN THERE TO HELP BROOK FIND SOME PRE-ASSESSMENTS.  I COULDN’T ENTER THE OFFICE AND LOOK LESLIE WAS RIGHT THERE AND THE LAST THING I NEED IS SOMEONE ELSE MAKING UP A LIE WHERE THERE THE VICTIM AND I’M SOME PERP.  THIS IS SO HARD THERE IS NO RECOCILIATION WITH THE HOSPITAL, NO POSITIVE STEPS TOWARD REDEMPTION.  IF THERE WAS, THE LIE WOULD BE DISCOVERED AND THEN SOME NEW SAGA OF COVERING THAT UP WOULD BEGIN.  LESLIE KNEW THE SITUATION I WAS IN SHE WOULDN’T MOVE NOR; WOULD SHE STEP OUT INTO THE HALL AND I WAS DENIED ACCESS TO AN OFFICE THAT I USE ON THE WEEKENDS A PLACE THAT I HAVE MORE RIGHT TO BE IN THAN HER AND THERE SHE SAT WHILE I STOOD IN THE HALL AND WAITED FOR BROOK TO RETURN.  I WAS SO BUSY, AND I HAD RAN DOWN THERE FOR REPORTS I NEEDED TO COMPLETE WHAT I WAS WORKING ON UPSTAIRS.  THIS IS THE SAME WOMAN WHO GOT MAD ABOUT A YEAR AGO DUE TO MY FINDINGS AFTER AN ASSESSMENT AND TOLD EVERYONE THAT I HAD NOT INTERVIEWED THE CLIENT.  THEN HER BOSS ADDED THAT ON SURVAILENCE CAMERA SHE DIDN’T EVEN SEE ME WALK INTO THE ROOM.  THIS WAS ROOM 213 IF MEMORY SERVES AND THE MAN HAD A STROKE AND WAS AMKING SUCIDAL COMMENTS AND I DID GO INTO THE ROOM AND HIS WIFE MOVED SO THAT I COULD SIT IN THE RECLINER TO BEGIN MY INTERVIEW AND HE SAID THAT HE JUST COULDN’T FOCUS AND DIDN’T WANT TO BE INTERVIEWED.  THEN I SAID I COULD INTERVIERW HIS WIFE AND SHE JOINED ME OUT IN THE HALL, SO THE MAN COULD SLEEP HE WAS ON SOME HEAVY MEDS.  THAT’S WHAT THEY SAW ON CAMERA I DID TALK TO THE WIFE IN THE HALL.  ABOUT A WEEK LATER THAT PATIENTS WIFE CAME OUT AND SPOKE TO ME OUTSIDE THE ER SHE WAS LEAVING THE HOSPITAL IN THE AM AND SHE THANKED ME FOR TRYING TO HELP AND FOR ANSWERING HER QUESTIONS.  I WONDER IF THEY CAUGHT THAT ON TAPE?  THEN ADDED TO THIS SAGA OF TROUBLES I WAS WALKING DOWN THE HALL COMING BACK FROM LUNCH AT ABOUT 1:15PM I HAD JUST HELPED A PERSON LOCATE THE TRANSITIONAL CLINIC AND THEN WAS TALKING TO AN EMPLOYEE WHO HAD WHITE HAIR HE IS ALWAYS NICE TO ME AND WE WHERE LAUGHING AND THEN THERE CAME STACY AND THE WOMAN WHO SAID THAT I HAD SNUBBED HER.  I WAS STUCK MY ANXIETY WENT THROUGH THE ROOF AND I WAS SCARED I WAS GOING TO GET FIRED RIGHT HERE AND NOW.  THEY SAID, ‘HELLO HAPPY’ AS IF THEY HAD NEVER WRONGED ME AND THEN ASKED, ‘ARE YOU HAVING A GOOD DAY’ BOTH IN UNISON IT WAS FREAKISH AND I REPLIED ‘YES’ MY VOICE BROKE DUE TO THE STRESS AND I WAS FLUSHED WITH THESE THOUGHTS THAT THEY WHERE GOING TO TAKE IT WRONG AND THEN I WOULD BE UNEMPLOYED AND HOMELESS.  I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS I CAN TAKE.  I AM ONE BAD PTSD EPISODE AWAY FROM NOT BEING EMPLOYEED.  I AM SO AFRAID ON ONE OF MY DAYS OF EXHAUSTION THAT I WILL FAIL THIS GAME OF GAMES AND THEN OUT I WILL GO.  I MISS ALL MY FRIENDS SO MUCH AND THEN WHEN I SEE THEM OUT IN THE COMMUNTY THEY JUST KEEP TELLING ME HOW MUCH THEY MISS ME AND ASK, ‘WHY DON’T I GO TO THE CAFETERIA ANYMORE’ THAT QUESTION HURTS SO MUCH.  IT’S LIKE YOUR KIDS ASKING WHY YOU DON’T LOVE THEM.  GOD PLEASE GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE ABILITY TO FIGURE OUT THE GAME OF THE DAY AND PLEASE BRING ME A NEW FRIEND.  I’M NOT COMPLAINING SHERRIE WORKS SO HARD TO DEAL WITH WHATEVER THEY ARE THROWING HER ON A DAILY BASIS AND NOW I HAVE ELISHA WOW A LAWYER FRIEND THAT’S IMPRESSIVE LORD, LEAVE IT TO YOU TO ARRANGE THAT ONE.  I WILL BE SWORN INTO CASA ON TUESDAY AND I AM SO EXCITED ITS BEEN A VERY HARD TWO WEEKS OF TRAINING AND I ALMOST DIDN’T MAKE IT.  I HAD A CUT OFF DATE FOR ASSIGNMENTS AND FORTUNMALY A WINDOW OF TIME OPENED UP AND I JUST KEPT EMAILING THEM OUT AND I COMPLETED THAT TIME LINE AND NOW I HAVE JUST ONE MORE ASSIGNMENT AND SOME COURT OBSERVATION AND THAT’S IT.  GOD AM I CLOSE ENOUGH TO THE END OF PTSD TO HAVE A WIFE?  I REALLY WOULD LIKE A WIFE.  HAPPY