JORNAL ENTRY: TRY AND FLY THE CRASH AND BURN 2026

 

Another element that occurred inside the house of hate involved my disillusionment with trying to figure out how to jump to the bottom of the stairs.  I could recollect that many times I flew down these steps and exited that front door all in one fluid movement.  Then I would take that leap of faith and jump from the top and one of three things would occur since I was not in a dissociative mind set with adrenaline rocketing me through these obstacle courses.  First, I usually crashed just a few steps below the top and tumbled the rest of the way.  The second feature that plagued me when I attempted to unbind myself from gravity involved an overzealous launch where my head hit the ceiling and then my head would be pushed back and I would slam to the steps and lose all of my air and lay there like a fish trying to flop hard enough or in just the right manner to dislodge my lungs and inhale.  The last Evel Knievel plot that my small brain had sanctioned required a run from the bathroom and then finding just the right projectory to stay aloft and not hit either obstacle.  If successful I would land at the bottom of the stairs.  With far more momentum than expected and since my arms would be out as I attempted to guide my decent, my body would slam in a variety of ways on the hard tile floor.  Typically, resulting in a belly flop that knocked out my wind and caused my rib cage to ache for weeks afterward.  Why did I continue to attempt this ritual you might ask?  Because I knew that I had done this before and it worked and my try and crash method in my mind should have been far more successful.  To me it was like I knew that I had once ridden a bicycle and now I suddenly couldn’t and all my methodology would not work successfully, why am I crazy?