JOURNAL ENTRY: MANAGING THE STORM ANGER BRINGS 2026

 

(It is now May 21^st, 2026, at 4:02pm.  Since the last entry I have continually felt depressed and angry.  For me anger is not a common emotion.  It’s not my go to default for my pain.  True as a teenager it rose often and I certainly went there as I began my healing at UTA I believe her name was Dr. Marie Banister.  I often expressed to her how this suffering was so difficult since it wasn’t a one-person target who I could concentrate upon.  The pain was multi-dimensional and yet a microwave of onslaught.  Like a wooden vessel punctured many times below the water line I couldn’t stop the surge.  It was not self-sabotage, but a scuttling that was taking place.  The timing was pounding faster than the splashing of waves.  It was more adjacent to a living infestation within the water that manifested and drilled through my mind’s hull.  When this phase started it was a twenty-four-hour seven day a week bucket brigade attempting to right this psyche of mine and keep it buoyant.  While I struggled with the choppy sea of learning disabilities, navigated a storm created by a tenured professor who was working hard to have me terminated from graduate school.  While witnessing my childhood traumas rising upon the horizon in a manner that I had never endured before.  The storm front of FLASHBACK had taken its omni presence upon my consciousness as it became a conduit between the past and present.  My anger became the wind of tenacity that filled my sails and enabled my scuppers to lessen the effects of that drilling organism called stress.  That was my last incubator of anger and since then I could determine my sadness and avoid the anger and stop the process before it resulted in depression.  This week that cycle has played itself out continually and I have been defeated around the clock.  Today is the first time that I have been able to rally enough energy to attempt to work out the spiraling of my soul and work on solving this puzzle.)