JOURNAL ENTRY: PIZZA AND DR. PEPPER 2026

 



This daydream is so intense that I had to turn off the TV since I couldn’t watch it.  I continually found that I was staring at the ceiling fan and its turning blades.  I was in a hypnotic state and lost to this reality and my moment of now.  Just now as I am typing, I am listening to music, and I am using it as an anchor to this realm as I am so strongly pulled into my past.  The song Sober from the band Tool is playing and its music video is so indicative of my current pain.  Wow, what a symbiotic tapestry of a serendipitous connection.  I am crying now and have been off and on since I woke up.  My hunger has been tremendous, my kiddos could not come to cook for me, and I felt so poorly that I ordered an extra-large pizza and three 2litters of diet Dr. Pepper.  I ate it all and drank two of those litters and still I am hungry.  This is an old pattern where I would lift extremely heavy enough to make my joints sing and then devour pounds of beef and sausage and sleep deep.  I had to do this, or I would linger for days and not sleep and become a zombie of dissociative lucidity. 


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